


Take my fears and let my heart soar

by darcie



Series: Javid [3]
Category: Newsies (1992)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:11:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darcie/pseuds/darcie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: Take my fears and let my heart soar<br/>Summary: As David enters university, he finds that he just can't stay away from Jack.<br/>Pairing: Jack/David (side Sarah/Denton)<br/>Rating: R/NC-17/M<br/>Word Count: 6000ish<br/>Warning: idk<br/>Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies or these characters. Just havin' some fun writing.<br/>Author Note: Follows I want to get off one time and not apologize and For nobody else gave me a thrill. Title is taken from the song "Take My Lips" by Ferras.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take my fears and let my heart soar

David looked up at the big building. He hadn't imagined this day would ever come. Well, alright, that wasn't true. He knew he would go on to college, but he had been so distracted the past year that he thought it was a long way away. Ever since returning his attention to school, he had been doing as much work as possible, catching up on his studies.

And now he was visiting Columbia University, having an interview. Because he was going to apply for admission soon.

He had insisted that he go alone, though he did have recommendation letters from Bryan Denton and Teddy Roosevelt in his hand. The former meant the most to him, but he knew that the latter would impress the admissions office the most.

He took a deep breath and walked into the building.

o O o O o O o O o

"Very impressive interview, Mr. Jacobs." Mr. Jones said, shaking David's hand after stepping outside of his office.

David nodded and smiled at the man, grateful that he had just given him the time of day. "Thank you so much, sir. I'll send in my application right away."

"We look forward to it." There was a twinkle in his eye that told David he would probably get into the university, and David tried not to attack him with a hug. Instead he turned around and walked right out of the building. He could make a fool out of himself at home.

But as he left the building, he saw some teenage boys gathered into a little group. Two of them appeared to be arguing, and David realized that they was Mush and Racetrack. To the side stood Blink, Crutchy...

And Jack.

David swallowed hard. He hadn't seen Jack in months, not since he left the apartment after they had... been intimate. It wasn't supposed to happen, and they were both confused by it. They had decided not to see each other anymore, even as friends, because it was possible that they would be obvious about what had happened. Still, he couldn't help but stare at Jack. Jack, who had been  _inside_  him. Jack, who had kissed him with so much heat and passion that whenever David thought about it, his toes still curled. Even when tried not to think about it, he could still  _feel_  Jack's lips against his.

He willed himself to stay calm as he walked over to the newsies. He had to go past them to get home. He was quiet, and it should have been easy.

But Crutchy got distracted from the fight. "Hey! Hey, guys, it's Dave!"

Mush and Race stopped arguing and turned, as well as Blink and Jack. They all saw David, and David suddenly felt ashamed. These guys had been his friends and he'd just _left_  them. Though it had been for a good reason.

Race walked over to David and lightly punched him on the shoulder. "Hey, where ya been, ya bastard?"

"School." David said in the clearest, strongest voice he could. He wasn't meek. He had always stood up for himself and he didn't intend to stop now. "I'm applying to Columbia University."

"Fancy!" Blink said as Mush whistled.

Crutchy told him, "You could still come see us, Dave! I think everyone misses ya. Right, Jack?"

Jack had been quiet the whole time, and David had tried his best not to look at him. But now his eyes met Jack's and it felt like everything fell away for a second. All that existed was the two of them. David flushed and took off his hat. He told the newsies apologetically, "Sorry, it's hot out."

The guys wanted updates about David's life. David summarized it the best he could. He told them that Sarah had just married Denton - iBryan/i - and they lived just outside of the city. Les was in school, and his father still worked. Same old, same old. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing strange.

When Mush asked David if he had a girl, David just shook his head, offering no explanation. He hadn't even tried to like a girl since what had happened with Jack. Girls were great, sure. A lot of them were really pretty. But he had learned that just because they were pretty, that didn't mean that they did it for him. He wasn't even sure about guys in general, either. Maybe it was just Jack he wanted. Maybe he would only ever want Jack.

He might as well dedicate his life to celibacy.

He didn't want to be queer. Which was why he had thrown himself even further into his work so that he could graduate at a reasonable time. He didn't let himself fantasize about Jack. He didn't think about Jack pushing him up against table, or pushing him down onto his bed. He didn't think about Jack turning him over and putting his finger inside of him.

No. Not at all.

"Well, Jack's had lots of girls since ya been gone, ain't that right, Cowboy?" Crutchy said, grinning at Jack, clueless about the awkwardness of the situation.

David had been avoiding Jack's gaze again, but he looked up at him quizzically. Sure, Jack was free to do what he liked. But for some reason, thinking about Jack being with someone other than him made him feel like he'd just been punched in the gut.

"How're ya gonna pay for school?" Jack finally asked. His eyes were on David's and he showed no signs of looking away. "Costs a lot to go to Columbia, don't it?"

David stared right back at him. "I'm going to have to get a job." Before Jack could open his mouth, David continued. "But unfortunately, being a newsie doesn't pay enough. I would if I could."

"Sure, Dave. Sure." Jack replied with a teasing smile. But David could see there was some sort of disappointment behind that smile. "I'm thinkin' of retiring myself."

David wasn't surprised, as Jack was one of the oldest Newsies who sold for the iWorld/i, though he was still a teenager. The others, however, were shocked. Blink immediately jumped all over him, claiming that Jack had never told them that. Mush wanted to know how he could just spring that on them, and Race told Jack he would soak him if he left for Santa Fe, though that was an empty threat.

Jack just shook his head. "Not Santa Fe. Not yet, at least. But like ya said, Davey, another job. I haven't even tried to get one."

David swallowed. "If you weren't a newsie, you couldn't live in the lodging house." he pointed out.

"I'll find somewhere." Jack said, waving away David's worries. "Shouldn't matter to ya anyway, you got Columbia to worry about."

And it was like David had been punched again. Deep down, he knew that it did matter to him even though it shouldn't. He and Jack hadn't talked in a long time, but looking at him, David felt the same combination of frustration, awe, and, well... desire, that he had a few months ago.

And he'd been doing so well.

"I have to go." David said quickly. "I'll see you."

Jack smirked. David smirked back nervously as the other newsies sounded their farewells. Then David turned and took the scenic route home.

o O o O o O o O o

He got into Columbia. Though other people told him how he obviously would get accepted, he was still surprised. One of the greatest universities in the country wanted him to attend. He would take classes, steps toward becoming a professional...  _something_. David knew his options were open. He was interested in a lot of things. Law, science, writing... He wished he could do everything.

Considering how well he'd been trained in practical skills, it should have been easier to find a job. There were plenty of jobs in the city. However, when he talked to potential bosses about the fact that he would be in university come fall, and that his hours would have to be flexible, they shoed him away. They wanted someone who could work through the day, every day.

One day, a few days before he was finished with school before university, he and Les walked into his family's apartment to find Jack sitting at the table with his parents. His parents were laughing as Jack showed them the results of some card game. David frowned. Anything Jack did could charm his parents. If his mama and papa knew what they had done, their opinions would definitely change.

"Jack!" Les exclaimed. He ran to hug Jack, who scooped him up into a tight hug. And just like that, David's frown was gone, replaced with a reluctant grin. Jack was also really caring, which sort of reminded David why he was sweet on Jack in the first place.

 _Wait. No. Stop that. I'm supposed to be over that,_  David told himself. But who was he kidding? Jack still made his heart do funny things. Things that a girl should have done to it.

"David, come sit down. We were just celebrating." His mother said, looking at Jack admiringly.

Okay, strange. He sat down at the table across from Jack's place. "Celebrate what?"

"I got a job." Jack told him proudly. "And not sellin' papes. Not only that, got a place to live, too."

How was it that Jack was further along with him in this job search? Then again, he knew he shouldn't underestimate Jack. He was smart, and he was good with people.

"What job did you get?" David had to know.

"Y'know that restaurant we held meetings at during the strike?" Jack prompted. David nodded. "The manager is retirin'. I actually started helpin' out awhile ago, not that-" He stopped himself, but David knew what Jack was going to say.  _Not that you know that._  "Anyway, I'm not a manager or nothing, but they made me head waiter, the kind the others go to to get ordered around."

"That's great, Jack." David told him, meaning it. It was perfect for Jack.

"And the thing is, there's an apartment above the restaurant." Jack continued.

"Huh."

"I gotta find someone to share, because I have some money now but not enough. They're lettin' me hire some more waiters, too, because some left."

David could see where this was going. He stayed quiet.

"You wanna come work with me, Dave?" Jack's perfect smirk was back.

"And you can live him as well; that's the best part!" David's mother said earnestly. "Jack suggested that if you take the job, you can share that apartment. It must be hard, not seeing your friends. And it's only right you go out on your own. You're becoming a man; you need that kind of experience, especially as you go through university."

David was flabbergasted by this news. Work for Jack? Live with Jack? How had this happened to him? How was this happening right now? "But... don't you need help around here...? Les-"

"Please, David." Les said, dismissing him. "I'm near eleven."

David looked up into Jack's eyes. How could Jack want this after everything that happened? How could they remain even the slightest bit normal if they lived together? Did Jack want to be normal? Or... had he accepted being queer? That seemed impossible; Jack was just as conflicted as he was. Jack was a flirt who didn't know what he wanted. He was impulsive and frustrating and oftentimes ridiculous...

And David couldn't resist.

"Okay." he finally agreed. "I'll work with you, Jack. And, uh, live with you."

He was actually going to work  _for_  Jack Kelly. He was sort of comforted by the idea that he would be going to school at the same time; he wouldn't be working in a restaurant forever. Jack would probably be content with that kind of thing once he learned how to run the place, but David knew that it wasn't something he could picture himself doing.

Jack wouldn't hold him back, he knew that. He could be hard to deal with, and things had been strange the past few months, but Jack did sort of care about him, right? Why else would he suggest this in the first place?

Jack met his eyes, and David saw that even though Jack acted like it was no big deal, he was nervous. That actually sort of comforted David. He gave Jack an uneasy smile.

o O o O o O o O o

The amount of summer courses was limited, but David ended up taking three courses. He studied under brilliant professors who had him reading lengthy books about the sciences and history, as well as writing essays. He actually felt challenged.

Living with Jack wasn't so bad either. After he did shifts in the restaurant, he would go into his new bedroom and study. Jack seemed to be avoiding him, too. He kept himself busy, and even though he watched from a distance, David was impressed by Jack's dedication. Jack had been dedicated to the newsies, but now something like  _this_. Jack was even making business decisions and demonstrating even further how social he was.

They didn't actually work together, either. David had a feeling that Jack had planned that. He worked with the manager figuring out the schedules of the few waiters. Conveniently, David always worked when Jack had time off. But one Friday afternoon, it didn't work out that way. The guy who was going to work got sick and David had to fill in. David didn't have to do any schoolwork on the weekend, so he assumed it was fine.

Until he turned and found Jack emerging from the kitchen with a few plates of food. "Alright, get outta the way, Davey unless you want hot food all over ya!"

David moved out of the way and Jack walked past him and set down the plates in front of a man and woman sitting at a table close by.

Then Jack turned back toward David. "Hey Dave."

"... Hi." David replied awkwardly. Jack was out of breath and there was some kind of light in his eyes, the same light David recognized from when Jack had gotten excited about the strike. It had been part of what had charmed David once he stopped being hesitant and realized the newsies were actually great.

"Get to work." Jack chuckled, slapped David on the back and walked back to the kitchen.

Until closing, they kept on like that. They would run into each other and grew into a routine of teasing each other, like they had before anything strange had happened between them. They helped each other, too, though they didn't talk about that. It was actually nice, and David realized how much he'd missed this. They lived together, but they barely spoke to each other. David kind of felt like this was some sort of breakthrough. It was progress, and even though he knew he should, he didn't want to go back to not talking to Jack at all.

After closing, David locked the door and started cleaning up the rest of the tables. He had just finished wiping one off with a rag when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to find Jack.

"We still work good together." Jack said. He had a familiar, funny grin on his face. He had a dishrag tossed over his shoulder casually.

"It doesn't surprise me." David told him. "You're good at this, you know." Jack didn't say anything, but he kept smiling. So David continued. "Really, you're great with people. I saw you talking up different things on the menu, convincing people to try. I'm happy for you."

"And I'm glad you're goin' to school." Jack said. "You should become a big time reporter and write all about strikes and crooked politicians."

Now David smiled as well. "I am studying writing." he replied, mostly because he and Jack never spoke about David's schoolwork. He hadn't told Jack about the classes he was taking over the summer.

"I know. I read somethin' you wrote. That story about when you were a newsie... and how one newsie you met changed your life and helped you become brave-"

"Shut up." David interrupted. Mostly it was because he was embarrassed. "It was just for school and I was always brave."

"There's a difference between bein' brave and bein' a loudmouth." Jack told him. Then he smirked again before turning to head back into the kitchen.

David went upstairs to the apartment to get cleaned up. He always ended up smelling like food after working at the restaurant, but he didn't really mind. He had gotten used to getting dirty when he was a newsie, so this was nothing to him. Still, he had to study, so he washed his face and then walked into the living room of the small apartment. He picked up one of his books and thought about locking himself away in his room to study.

But he and Jack had gotten along well when they worked together, so maybe they could get over what had happened a few months ago. It didn't matter that whenever their eyes met, David felt it everywhere. It didn't matter what they'd done. It had only happened once. They could get over it and find some nice girls to settle down with.

He sat down on the floor in the small living room. There was just enough light and some old cushions that he had brought from home. Then he opened his book and began reading.

A few minutes later, Jack walked in. He stopped for a moment when he saw David wasn't in his room. Jack slept in the living room, which made it even more strange. But it wasn't technically a bedroom. There  _was_  only one bedroom, and Jack had given it to David. David had assumed it was so they didn't have to see each other.

Jack walked off, presumably to clean himself up some, too. When he came back, he had changed his clothes and looked more like his old self, complete with red bandana.

Instead of ignoring David, he sat down on the floor in front of him.

"What'cha readin'?" Jack asked, tapping the book in David's hands. "Looks boring."

David set the book down in his lap. "It's a book about medieval European history. My professor lent it to me for the week."

Jack took the book in his hands and set it aside on the floor.

"What are you doing?" David asked, confused. "You want to sleep? I can go into the other room-"

Jack cut him off by assaulting him with a kiss. Alright, not  _assaulting_  him, but it still shocked him like crazy. He pulled back quickly and repeated the same words that he'd said just a few seconds ago, this time with a completely different meaning. "What are you  _doing_?"

"What do ya think?" Jack replied, grasping the front of David's shirt and inching closer. "I know we said we wouldn't anymore, that being queer ain't right, but Dave... I can't do that."

David stared at him, into his eyes. He'd deprived himself of this for months. He hadn't touched Jack, had tried his best not to look at him in the queer way, and he thought he'd done well considering he lived with the guy. But here Jack was, just looking at him in that way, and David found that he couldn't stop the strange feelings. They'd always been there; they'd been there when they worked together just a few minutes ago. "Jack, did you ask me to live with you so that we could- so that-" So that they could be queer without suspicion?

"No." Jack told him. David watched Jack's mouth move. "I asked ya to live with me because you're goin' to university and ya need to pay for it and ya probably need somewhere quiet to do your schoolbooks, and-"

This time David kissed Jack. He pulled Jack forward by his bandana and covered Jack's mouth with his own. Jack kissed him back hard. They gripped each other's shirts tightly and they kissed so passionately, David had to move his mouth away from Jack's for a second to breathe. But they didn't stop. David didn't even want to. He kissed Jack again and then said, "Let's go to the other room."

"Fine by me, Davy." Jack murmured against David's mouth. He stood up, pulling David with him. It was a short distance to the bedroom, and Jack pushed him up against the wall just outside the door and they kissed harder. Jack kept one hand on David's shoulder and tugged on his trousers with the other. David shuddered as Jack's hand brushed against his privates.

Jack then walked him into the bedroom and slightly kicked the door closed. It didn't shut, but it didn't matter. They were the only ones who lived her, the only ones with keys. David pulled Jack backward and they lay on the bed, Jack on top of him. He felt Jack's hardness against his thigh and when Jack shifted, Jack's brushed his own. He moaned, and then worried about being too loud, which was illogical because no one could hear them. He looked away in embarrassment, but Jack reached up and took David's chin in his hand and gently turned David's face back to him. David couldn't help but stare up at him. Jack was rough. He was a tough guy. He didn't take crap from people. And he'd just touched David so gently, so softly. David couldn't take it. Jack was actually being... sweet. Loving. David pulled Jack's face down to his again.

Jack worked the buttons on David's shirt as they kissed, rubbing against him. David helped him, and they successfully removed their clothes though they did have to break the kiss a few times. But David hated that. He hated that they'd actually agreed not to do this, but ihe/i had agreed not to do this. Even though it wasn't right, it felt right. It felt right to press against Jack and slip out of his clothes and kiss his ear as Jack took in a sharp breath. David grinned against Jack's ear. He couldn't believe that he was actually making Jack squirm.

Jack didn't turn him over like last time. But then again, this was nothing like last time. Last time, they had been angry at each other. This time... well, this time it was different.

Finally Jack stopped kissing him and David whined. Actually  _whined_ , and he felt kind of pathetic. But Jack chuckled and kissed him quickly before moving backward on the bed.

"Alright, I never done this." Jack's mouth hovered over David's hardness.

"Done what?" David asked nervously.

"I...alright. Alright." Jack opened his mouth and suddenly David's erection was in Jack's mouth. David stared at Jack wide-eyed, but he couldn't ignore the fact that it felt amazing and wet and hot and perfect. Jack looked confused as he continued, but then he closed his eyes and continued a few motions with his mouth.

"Jack.  _Jack_ ," David said, and Jack opened his eyes to look up at him. "That's amazing. How did you know to do that?"

Jack freed his mouth. "The other guys. They talk. They think I know everythin' about this, you know. But I learn stuff from them."

David nodded. "I underst-  _Jack_." Jack had taken him in again. The warmth and wetness made David bite his lip. "If you keep doing that, I don't think this will last much longer."

"It'll last as long as I say it'll last." Jack mumbled against his erection. His words came out funny, but the vibration sent a shiver throughout David's body.

"Really, Jack. I think... I think."

Jack sped up. He kept at it despite David's weak protests. He did want Jack to keep going, but he also wanted Jack to stop so that they could keep going even longer. But Jack paid no mind to David's protests or worries. He did something crazy with his tongue that sent David right over the edge. He couldn't help it; he cried out and came. He finished and came down from his high, opening his eyes. He'd gotten some on Jack's face. But Jack just wiped it away with his arm. David looked up at him tiredly. "Well, that was-"

"Was?" Jack interrupted. "We ain't done yet."

"Mmm. Give me a minute then." David said, resting his head against the pillow.

But Jack, of course, did not. Jack told him to lift his legs a little and when David did, he felt Jack's warm tongue on him, specifically on his bottom. David realized what Jack was doing. Preparing him for what they'd done last time. And when Jack made sure that David was wet enough and put his finger into David, David sighed with anticipation. He kept wondering when the exact moment was that Jack would decide he'd had enough of the finger. David felt so good that he knew he could probably finish again. In fact, he definitely could.

"Jack. Jack. Come on. I want..."

"What d'ya want, Dave?" Jack asked, looking up. His lips were wet and perfect.

"The other thing. You. In me." David managed.

Jack smiled.

He crawled back up and positioned himself. He bent down and kissed David on the mouth quickly. Then he pushed into David. David had forgotten just how difficult this could be. David flinched. Jack looked down into his eyes and asked the question silently. More? Was it okay? David nodded. Jack kept pushing in and then stopped again before picking up a pace.

David had forgotten how much it had hurt last time before it was actually alright. He started pushing back in hopes that it would start feeling better. And soon it did. Jack's sounds, his groans, his grunts, helped. They turned David on more than he thought they ever could, especially after already having one orgasm.

"Jack." David said suddenly.

Jack looked right into his eyes. His forehead was sweaty now and David wanted to reach up and brush the sweaty hair from Jack's forehead, even though he knew he couldn't reach him. He opted to make it even more amazing for Jack instead.

Jack held out longer than David could, even a second time. David shuddered and came all over his stomach. He sighed and looked up at Jack. Jack continued his movements and then he pulled out of David. David watched him dazedly as Jack stroked himself resulting in his orgasm a few minutes later.

Jack moved up again and collapsed onto the bed next to David. David smiled at him and did what he wanted to; he reached out and brushed aside Jack's hair from his sweaty forehead.

"We're queer." Jack said suddenly.

David nodded. "We can't say anything to anyone. You know that."

"I wasn't gonna." Jack told him. "I don't want to end up somewhere like the Refuge again. Don't want you there either. That's why this... after the first time..."

"I'm willing to risk it." David told him. The law was wrong. The law was terrible. If he wanted to be with Jack, and only Jack, how was that wrong? How could the cops justify jailing someone for loving someone?

Maybe those thoughts were radical, but David believed that radical thoughts should be considered sometimes. Maybe, just maybe, the radical thoughts were right.

"You know what I did after we did the thing the first time?" He meant when they got off in the bathroom together. Jack seemed to get it and nodded. "I read the Bible."

Jack was quiet for a few seconds. "Uhh. I never read the Bible, but from what I hear it's not too friendly to queers. At least, that's what the religious nut jobs say."

"I don't think they're all nut jobs." David told him. He smiled. "But I do think there are queers in it. And... they're called Jonathan and David. You know David from David and Goliath?" Jack half nodded, probably humoring him. He told Jack about what he had read in the books of Samuel. Jack actually seemed interested, though he also looked like he was going to fall asleep any minute. David finished up the story quickly and kissed Jack on the mouth. "Night."

"Night, Davy."

o O o O o O o O o

It became easier.

In more ways than one.

Being together became easier. Even though they were both busy, they were finished avoiding each other. When Jack came upstairs from the restaurant, David would suddenly be distracted. He would watch Jack until he came over to David and made him feel good.

They did things anywhere they could in the apartment. On the ratty couch, in different positions. On the floor in both rooms. It felt better each time, and it hurt a lot less. David was no longer hesitant about the physical side of it.

The mental side of it grew easier as well. David knew that even if society wouldn't be alright with it, he  _was_  queer. He did care about Jack in that way. The more he fought it, the worse he felt. So he stopped fighting it. He let himself care about Jack in that way. He let himself gaze up at him and Jack kiss him softly as they made love to each other. He always tried to think rationally about things, but, well... he let himself maybe, possibly, fall in love with Jack. The law be damned.

It was also easy to hide it. Neither of them wanted to get into trouble. To everyone else they were just two friends and co-workers who worked together, and David didn't mind it at all. He didn't want Jack thrown in jail; he'd had enough run-is with the bulls. And Jack mentioned time and time again that he didn't want David to be in trouble.

David didn't care. He had never been so impulsive in his life, but over the next few months, he found himself pushing Jack down onto the couch and riding him without a care. After he made sure the windows and shades were closed, of course.

One day in mid-August, David walked into the restaurant to find Racetrack, Crutchy, Mush, Blink, and Bumlets sitting at a table chowing down on food.

"Look, it's David!" Blink said. He waved David over and David grinned walking over to his friends.

"Dave, how's your fancy school goin'?" Crutchy asked.

"It's great." David said, sitting down in the free chair. "I have a lot to do, though."

"Cowboy ever let you study?" Blink inquired with a smirk.

David froze. Blink didn't mean...? No, of course he didn't. "Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't he?"

Blink was oblivious to David's reaction. "'Cause when he lived with us, he would always start up all these card games when we shoulda been sleepin' or counting our money or somethin'. His timing ain't the greatest."

"It's fine." David assured his friends. "We get along."

They all resumed their chatter, and David joined in, occasionally answering questions about his courses and professors. A few of the other newsies stopped by and when they left, the others did too. David made his way up to the apartment to do some reading that was due the following week. Despite reading and despite iJack/i, he was ahead on his schoolwork. He had a reputation as a know-it-all at Columbia, but that was alright. Everyone who attended was a know-it-all. It was such a different world than the one he had with Jack and his friends. But for some reason he loved and connected with both worlds.

Later, Jack came upstairs into the apartment and David looked up from his book. He sat on the couch and grinned when Jack glanced at him. Jack's own smile was conspiratorial. He didn't even bother cleaning himself up. He just took off his shirt and pants and kneeled over David kissing him hard. With Jack kneeling over him it was hard for David to get out of his own clothes but he managed. Soon Jack was inside him and they were moving together on the couch. Jack's mouth was on David's neck and David's arms were around Jack's back. Jack pushed into David further, causing David to cry out buried his face in Jack's shoulder.

"No, Dave, look up at me." Jack said. And instantly David did. Their eyes met. David could see the lust in Jack's, and something else he didn't dare define. Not when they were taking such a risk. He knew how he felt but he couldn't let himself think about it, and he couldn't think about how Jack might have felt about him.

When they finished, Jack stood and walked across the room completely naked. "You hungry at all?"

David watched him, kind of wishing that Jack would come back over. Still, he appreciated the view. "Not really. I had something before."

A moment later, Jack came back holding some bread in his hand. In between chews, he looked down at David. "So."

"So." David repeated. "I guess I should study."

Jack finished his piece of bread quickly and approached David again. "Study me."

And Jack climbed back over David and kissed him. The taste of bread and butter lingered on Jack's breath.

o O o O o O o O o

Summer ended, and fall courses began at Columbia. There were more students now, but David still found himself ahead in his classes. He was more dedicated than ever, trying to balance his studies with working at the restaurant, Jack, family, and his and Jack's mutual friends.

The months passed. Sarah announced she was pregnant. David spent Christmas with his family, Bryan, and Jack. David learned that Les was doing extremely well in school, and his parents commented that Les was following in David's footsteps.

As time went on, Sarah had her baby, a girl named Esther Rebecca, named after David's mother and Bryan's mother. Les got his first girlfriend a few months later. After that, Bryan got recommended David for a part-time job at the Sun, which David admitted he liked a lot more than serving food. Despite leaving his job at the restaurant, David didn't leave Jack. When he brought up the Sun job to Jack, he could actually see that Jack was worried about that. He had issues with being abandoned and preferred to abandon people before they could do it to him. But David pulled Jack into a hug and assured him that he wasn't going anywhere.

Toward the end of David's university career, he began to feel pressure from his parents. Sarah was pregnant with her second child, and Les had shown a lot of interest in girls lately. His mother and father started to hint that he should find a nice girl and settle down. After all, Meyer said, they weren't getting any younger.

One night David came home annoyed by his parents. He loved them and knew they meant well, but he wished they would stop interfering. He slammed the door to the apartment and Jack came wandering out of the bedroom, which they shared now shared. Jack had a goofy smile on his face. "What's wrong, Davy?"

David flopped down on the ratty couch and sighed. "My parents."

"Oh." Jack said, nodding knowingly. They'd had this conversation several times lately.

"We can't tell them the truth but..." He looked up at Jack. "I can't stop being with you."

"Yeah, that ain't an option." Jack agreed, sitting next to him.

David was quiet. It had been so much easier when they were avoiding each other. Alright, that wasn't true. It wasn't easier. It had been torture trying to put Jack out of his mind. There were no good options. He wanted to be successful, to make something of himself.

But...

He couldn't do that if he was queer.

"We either have to stop or we have to leave." he said evenly. Jack looked at him, shocked at the suggestion. "I don't know where we'd go, but we have to leave."


End file.
